$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
