I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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