Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
