He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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