i was born a porn star she said
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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