he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
