Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
