the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
