we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Enjoy the penises
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
