I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
