Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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