She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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