And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
its liver damage thursday
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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