I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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