I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
