smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Randomize
