Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
