the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
