apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
