did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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