We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
