sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
