I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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