I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
