Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
