you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you never un-have a 4some
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
