Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
