i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
