You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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