I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
