Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
