i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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