I molested 6 butterflies tonight
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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