i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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