Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
