Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
