i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
