I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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