Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
vagina is talking i cant
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
