i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
