I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What drink are we having for lunch?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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