I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
