She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
