maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
In America we eat man semen.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i now understand why vodka
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
