She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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