there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
