Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
