I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
