who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
