can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
