Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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