direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
