I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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