Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
