so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
