He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
