I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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