Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize