I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
