I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
