My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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