Nicole vs. Life
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
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I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You are a booty call, not a friend.
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Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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