Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
