We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
