It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
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