mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
