just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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