i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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