Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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