Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
