I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
