The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
