I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
