Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize