Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
