i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
