I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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