yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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