i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
