i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
