I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
