I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize